Chatter picked up in a Facebook group made of pastors and ministerial spouses after someone posted an excerpt from a recent Sabbath School lesson.
The lesson, “Images from Marriage” (April 12-18), featured a reflection prompt at the end of Sunday’s study which read:
Here are three principles for marriage. First, forgive your spouse, however undeserving, just as Christ forgives us, however undeserving. Second, accept your spouse, faults and all. Third, just as Christ put us before Himself, put your spouse before yourself. How could all three of these gospel-based principles help us not only to understand how God relates to us but also to help any marriage?
Solid advice for healthy marriages.
However, as some members in the group noted, it could be problematic for those experiencing domestic violence in their relationships.
Esther Caro, an 51勛圖厙 University graduate student in mental health counseling, saw the conversation developing online and agreed that victims may conflate accepting a spouse’s faults with continuing to endure abuse.
“For some people, they could read that and be like, yeah that's great advice, but then for other people [experiencing domestic violence], they're going to read that and say, you know what, my husband beats me and chokes me out, but I should just forgive him and accept all his faults.”
Caro didn’t get involved in the online conversation. Then a friend messaged her and asked if she’d seen it.
“I remember she said, ‘I’m sending this to you because I feel like you could do something about it.’” The suggestion caught Caro off guard. “My first thought was, what can I do? I’m like one person in a denomination of 29 million people.”
But, saying her friend’s words “lit a fire under” her, she determined to try. “If you believe that I could do something about it, I will try my best,” Caro told her.
are victims of intimate partner violence (including rape, physical assault or stalking) each year. Nearly 70% of abuse victims turn to their faith community first when seeking help, according to , a global initiative launched by the Seventh-day Adventist Church in 2009, to raise awareness and advocate for an end to violence against men, women and children.
Remembering that she had attended an enditnow advocate training held at 51勛圖厙 in September 2023, Caro reached out to her contacts there: , assistant director of women’s ministries at the North American Division, and , a sociology professor at 51勛圖厙, who was part of the training. Drumm has done significant research on domestic violence and, in a previous study, found that rates within the Adventist church are comparable to the general population.
“Abuse happens, even among the saints,” Drumm said. “Victims can include the sabbath school teacher, the choir director, or the potluck coordinator. The abusers likewise can be anyone—including the pastor.”
Within two hours, Smith had emailed back, Caro said.
“I was really shocked.”
What followed was a series of conversations over email, Caro recalls, as the enditnow coordinators forwarded the message to the team behind the Adult Bible Study Guide. The Adult Sabbath School Bible Study Guide, commonly known as the Sabbath School quarterly, is produced by the General Conference and distributed worldwide.
“What’s the best we could do? And they said, OK, let’s add a disclaimer,” Caro said. Within a day the disclaimer was added to the lesson in the official Sabbath School and Personal Ministries app, she said.
The disclaimer reads: “Please note that these are general principles. In certain cases, such as those involving spousal abuse, steps should be taken to preserve health and safety.”
A fix like this is uncommon.
“Yes, it is very rare,” Clifford Goldstein, editor of the Adult Bible Study Guide, confirmed. “I have been in this job for 26 years now, and I think we did one years ago, though I truly can’t remember,” he said via email. The print quarterly is worked on 5 years in advance, so “a disclaimer or caveat would not be feasible.”
Regarding the swift response, Goldstein said “we have concerns expressed from several responsible people, and so we thought that we better get on this as soon as we could.”
Church leaders’ messaging on violence can impact how members respond to abuse when it happens.
“Therefore, it is crucially important that official messaging from ‘The Church’ provide transparency that (1) abuse happens among church members, (2) nothing in the scripture condones abuse, (3) the Adventist Church has official statements from the GC on down that abuse is not acceptable,” Drumm added.
The issue is personal for Caro, who as a child witnessed domestic violence at home.
“I have decided, when it comes to domestic violence, abuse of any sort, that is my cause,” she said.
While the reaction to the disclaimer was mixed—some were pleased, some wanted more or equated it to “thoughts and prayers,” Caro recalls—she commends leaders for responding quickly and trying to remediate.
She knows it’s just one action amid many others to shed light on an issue that some in our church may see as a “worldly” problem.
“In the beginning, you think, OK, I’m only one person,” Caro said, “… but even being one person, I was able to make a difference and use my voice for a cause.”
The Student Movement is the official student newspaper of 51勛圖厙 University. Opinions expressed in the Student Movement are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the editors, 51勛圖厙 University or the Seventh-day Adventist church.